Paranoia, Panic, and New Beginnings
I didn't, in fact, end up going back to Italy. The funding fell through, so, after several sad emails, I started looking for another job.
Which is why I'm sitting in the Cincinnati airport waiting to catch a flight to Amsterdam, wherefrom I will catch a train to Eindhoven. My landlord is picking me up at the station, giving me my keys, and taking me to the house.
I'm terrible at making decisions and following through. About eight times on the flight here I thought about the fact that I could technically use my company credit card to buy a plane ticket home. The thing is, once I get somewhere I adapt so quickly and easily. Wherever I am becomes my whole life in no tome at all. Maybe that's why I'm scraed--I've reached a reasonably good point in my life and it scares me to let that go. I'm simultaneously so unbelievably excited for this summer--I love being alone and independent, I love managing things on my own, finding my way through foreign train stations, etc. I love it.
(I'm terrified of the thing I most love. Must be crazy...)
On the way out of San Francisco I kept my face pressed to the window, watching the familiar landmarks go by. We flew right over campus and I could see the campanile, Evans and every other building I've had classes in, and CZ. I got all choked up when I recognized the campus, and started searching desperately for the roof of my house. I wanted one last look before I was gone. I wanted to call home and say I see you! I'm less than a mile up and I miss you already.
You know, I have to admit: after this semester, it's going to be nice to have a fresh start.
I guess the deal is that if I could take a few choice people with me, I'd go without looking back. I think I get too attached.
Which is why I'm sitting in the Cincinnati airport waiting to catch a flight to Amsterdam, wherefrom I will catch a train to Eindhoven. My landlord is picking me up at the station, giving me my keys, and taking me to the house.
I'm terrible at making decisions and following through. About eight times on the flight here I thought about the fact that I could technically use my company credit card to buy a plane ticket home. The thing is, once I get somewhere I adapt so quickly and easily. Wherever I am becomes my whole life in no tome at all. Maybe that's why I'm scraed--I've reached a reasonably good point in my life and it scares me to let that go. I'm simultaneously so unbelievably excited for this summer--I love being alone and independent, I love managing things on my own, finding my way through foreign train stations, etc. I love it.
(I'm terrified of the thing I most love. Must be crazy...)
On the way out of San Francisco I kept my face pressed to the window, watching the familiar landmarks go by. We flew right over campus and I could see the campanile, Evans and every other building I've had classes in, and CZ. I got all choked up when I recognized the campus, and started searching desperately for the roof of my house. I wanted one last look before I was gone. I wanted to call home and say I see you! I'm less than a mile up and I miss you already.
You know, I have to admit: after this semester, it's going to be nice to have a fresh start.
I guess the deal is that if I could take a few choice people with me, I'd go without looking back. I think I get too attached.
posted by Iris at 22:25
1 Comments:
we all miss you too, but i'm also glad you didn't decide to suddenly come back! i wouldn't get to be jealous of your luck if you did..
you know i'll be hanging onto your blog all summer to keep track of all the adventures you'll be having, so, see you around..
Een reactie posten
<< Home